How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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