im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
