Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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