4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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