R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
