Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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