is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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