Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
