Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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