I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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