Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
