i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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