I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
