the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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