let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
