just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
