you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
