I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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