I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
