I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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