The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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