Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
pray to the hookup gods
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
