yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
