I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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