I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
