mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
