I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
