I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So squirting runs in the family.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
