allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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