Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
