Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She's JV to your varsity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
