Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The air was thick with penises
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Randomize
