In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize