I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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