You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
