omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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