He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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