I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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