Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
