Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
