Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
