phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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