i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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