There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
