I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
