Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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