I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize