drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
