I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
