So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
