Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
