i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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