Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
should my penis look like a turkey
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
