I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize