Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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