He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
