dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
do herpes really smell.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
