who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
