She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
