Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize