I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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