So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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