In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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