There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
