Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
