We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
