Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How naked do you want me to be?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
