I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
