Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
