My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
