im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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