absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
