after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
