I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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