Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
