I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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