Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
