I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
