People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
