i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
