Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
