He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize