Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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