Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
