Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dignity is for republicans.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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