worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Congratulations! We have a period
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