I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
