I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
