Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
