his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
