need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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