I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
