Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
