i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't put those talents on a resume
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
