you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
