you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
