I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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