Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
