I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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