I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
