You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
