He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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