she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize